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So, despite the heat and the World-Cup (which is gladly over tonight) I decided to redecorate my room.
Well, easier said than done (or to be more accurate, sometimes pictures won´t stay on that damn wall when only taped - damn -.-")
But in the end it looks good xD worth a lot of cursing and all that. At least it looks good now.

On a sad note two people around me died. You know, those people you hardly ever notice, have one or two words with and then they are just gone. I guess that is just life. Tomorrow will bring me an appointment with my lawyer - well the fun never ends. I am walking through it none the less.
Oh and there are those 3 appointments with my dentist (well at least he is handsome so I can overlook the pain)

That´s all for now.

Oh for the love of...

Sometimes you just have a bad day, you know. Some people just can´t accept that. And of course you are pissed off like hell - obvious, isn´t it?
Then again, to understand the complex function of emotions you would actually need a brain, which there is a lot of lack off in the aforementioned case.
Enough said.

Mal dies, mal das

Es ist schon witzig- du versuchst Zeichen zu geben, subtil und nett. Denn du bist ja immer nett und immer gut zu allen die dich nicht so nett behandeln. Da fragst du dich, ist es eine Gabe, ist es ein Fluch? Aber es ist in Wirklichkeit wie Benzin das dich anheizt,von innen anfeuert damit du auf Touren kommst.

Liebes Ich, versuch dich zu verstehen.Nur einmal.

Aber dann gibt es da den Moment wo du in diese Augen und dieses Gesicht siehst und du einfach glücklich bist. So glücklich das du dämlich grinsend durch die Straßen rennst und die Welt vergisst. Wer braucht denn schon die Welt wenn er das Lächeln sieht?

Liebes Ich, versuch dich zu verstehen, aber veränder dich nicht. Egal was Sie alle sagen.

Listen, People just listen

Isn´t it amazing how some people never listen, really listen even if you give them hint after hint. They just don´t because they simply don´t take the time, self absorbed and greedy.
And how they would have loved to help and all that - funny thing is, I rather help myself.
Naturally that costs a lot of energy and strength but hell if I care.

Yes, to hell with them all. Oh and did I mention that I simply love Lie to me? No I did now then. And to all of those who really piss me off :


Sometimes music fills your soul

So I got my really old CD´s out and listened.Not that the tears came but it felt good, giving me something back.
Something that reminded me of old friends and a life no longer there. I miss that sometimes.
Also I have to say I became stronger which is also good. :)

Zurück aus der Hölle

Nachdem ich also drei Tage auf der Intensivstation verbracht habe und insgesamt ein paar Kilo verloren habe, geht es mir den Umständen entsprechend gut - Es gibt aber Dinge die ich nicht brauche - So manches falsche Lächeln oder der mitleidige Blick hier und da. So kann es immer wieder gehen, das kennt man ja doch.

Aber das ist es jetzt erst mal vorbei und ich denke nach. Dafür habe ich erst einmal genug Zeit.


I always wondered how it would end, the fighting, the yelling and screaming. It ended on Wednesday in a hospitalbed for me. My body simply said -stop and stopped working alltogehter for a few moments. That was that.
A few bruises to go with it from where they tried to inject something and a hurt tongue. So I am simply tired right now, yet I want to stand up and trash the damn room.

Bits and pieces,remains of what I could have been and all that. Well,forget that.I rather sit around and brood- helps me going on for a while without bashing heads and furniture in. Guess otherwise it could be a bit too much of a cliché.

Onto the better things. Tim Roth, yeah. Damn I like the man. So I am going to watch a lot of movies and so on just to get my mind off telling certain people what I am thinking of them. Not that they are interested anyway.
I need to think. I really need to do that,cause like that it can´t go on.

A long time coming

After a long time I´ve finally decided to start writing again - meaning something else than fanfiction for a change.I just don´t know yet where it will lead me,that´s all. I just got all these pictures in my mind that want to be written. I think it is something that has to be done for passion or worse.
I like tradgedy, being one myself and all that.So, where does that lead me, I mean not only with my writing but also with my life? I do everything to get the job I want and yet everything I do isn´t good enough. It gets kinda frustrating after a while really but I guess it will turn out alright. I just don´t have my life planned out the way I should, that´s all.

Perfect days

You can´t describe it any other way, you know. I had my first day in that training today and it went more than well. It was really quite nice and I also have the practical work contract filled out and signed already, due to next month.
I am just happy at the moment and it´s a monday :D

I should be something like happy or insane

Since I never denied being the latter I think that I should be happy which I am not - although not sad or that angry, I just seem - as usual with a birthday coming up I come to think about alot of things.

Drained of emotions, overflowing with the sameCollapse )